So today I revisited the argument about how many holes a straw has, and I discovered something. If a straw only has one hole, that means my mouth and my asshole are one hole. So technically if I’m giving a guy a blowjob, I’m simultaneously being fucked in the ass, which is gay. So I thought “oh my god. Giving a guy a blowjob just *might* be gay”. So I took out my handy dandy pocket knife, backed up a bit, and stabbed my boyfriends dick to destroy the evidence. The divorce papers are almost complete and the evidence of my possible gay act has been destroyed. So you can go ahead and call me gay, but no one will believe you.