Aight, so there’s guy Minos, and he’s gunning to be king of Crete, but he’s gotta beat out all his brothers for the job. So he prays to Poseidon for a snow white bull as a sign of his support. Poseidon is like “You got it mate. Poseidon? More like Broseidon. Just make sure to sacrifice it to me.” and he sends him the snow white bull. So then Minos is about to sacrifice him, but is like “Nah, this bull’s actually pretty baller, I’m gonna sacrifice a different bull. Close enough right?”, but Poseidon’s like “Aight, I ain’t your Broseidon after all.” and he curses Minos’s wife, Pasiphae to fall in love with the bull. Now Pasiphae’s thirsty as fuck for some 2 and a half foot long bull dick, but naturally the divinely created bull ain’t into that sexual deviancy shit, thank you very much. So Pasiphae goes to Daedalus and is like “Yo asswad, make me a cow costume so this bull will give me that dicking.” and Daedalus is like “Bruh.” but Pasiphae’s like “I remind you that in addition to being a size queen, I am an actual queen, so get to work on my (literal) fucking cosplay before I have you executed.” So then Daedalus gets to work, probably muttering about how this is some fucked up shit, but since the man’s a perfectionist, he goes balls to the walls and makes the best cow costume the world has ever seen. So Pasiphae gets in that shit and rolls up on the bull like “Ayyyy bby, you wan sum fuk?” and the bull proceeds to ravage the shit outta this bitch, thinking he was having good wholesome bull sex, not understanding that he was witnessing the birth of the fur suit. So then Pasiphae gets pregnant, cuz what the fuck is speciation, and gives birth to this half-bull monstrosity. Now she tries to play it off and nurse the goddamn thing like a normal child, but the little bastard is like “I ain’t looking for no titty milk, I came here looking for man meat.” and starts eating people and shit. Now Minos dunnoe what the fuck to do about this shit, cuz short of getting the bull to sit down and have a talk with his son about his behavior, he has no recourse for dealing with it. So he goes to the Oracle of Delphi and asks her what to do, and she’s like “Yo what the fuck, you’ve got some half bull fucker roaming around eating people, shove that shit in a cave in the middle of a maze or something!” so Minos goes to Daedalus, looks him deep in the eyes and says “Bro, this shit is all your fucking fault, get cracking on a labyrinth.” And Daedalus is like “Bruh!” but once again has no choice so he gets to work on the labyrinth, and once he’s finished with it, Minos goes up to him and says “Alright mate, can’t have you giving away the secrets of the labyrinth, you’re gonna have to stay in there with your son Icarus.” and Daedalus and Icarus are like “Bruh.” but they haven’t got a choice now do they? So now there’s these three assholes all trapped in this giant fucking maze, and then Pasiphae, who at this point has gone well and truly batshit crazy, probably from some untreated bull STD, decides to run on in and join them. And a couple of years later, poor Theseus rolls up on this gigantic clusterfuck of a situation and decides that he’s a hero in the DnD sense, and murderhobos the shit outta it.

*Tl;Dr: A god damn furry fucks up everything.