So, for anyone curious, I walked over to ‘volver’ and saw who I assumed was the owner trying (and failing) to operate the gas pump. I walked forward (wearing a mask, of course) and suddenly they turned to me, eyes wide, and hissed. I stopped dead in my tracks, completely unsure of what to do. He was of a bigger build.. well, who am I kidding. The man looked like Big Chungus (yes, wholesome 100). He had a white beard and long red hair. His shirt said “CAUTION: ATHIEST. PROCEED WITH FACTS AND LOGIC”. “Uh.. do you need any help with that?” I awkwardly asked. “NO! GET AWAY YOU FOUL HUMAN!” He screeched. At this point, the commotion caught the attention of someone inside the store. I heard the sliding doors of the gas station swipe open, and out walks someone, who looked to be a terrifying 7’5″, dressed in a full furry costume and donning a very large cape that read “r/196″ HOME OF AWESOME.” It matched the one on the car. Upon noticing who the other man was, this terrifying skyscraper of a furry dropped both cans of Jiffy Peanut Butter (They had bought 2 and wielded one in each hand.) It stood up and pointed directly at the man, who hissed even louder and pointed back. An extremely deep yet soothingly feminine voice boomed from the furry: TERRY. WE MEET AGAIN. STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY CAR. THIS IS THE LAST GODDAMN TIME YOU TRY TO FUCK MY CAR. I HAVE ABSOLUTELY HAD IT WITH YOU TRYING TO FUCK MY CAR, YOU, YOU CAR FUCKER!” “meet again, we do, m’lady” the man said. I started to back away, unsure of what was about to go down. I could feel the tension of the moment. Suddenly, both people pulled out fucking WEAPONS. The neckbeard guy had a katana, the furry detatched his(?) tail (revealing a hidden dagger which was ornamented in the most beautiful diamonds I’d ever seen) And the two raced toward eachother. What followed, I can only describe as the most epic sword fight humanity has ever seen. I could not even begin to describe it, they seemed to move at the speed of sound, the clanking of metal was happening so fast it sounded like a half-life 2 prop glitched into something. That is all I remember, next thing I knew I woke up in the trunk of my own car on the Mexican-American border. That is how I discovered this subreddit.