I do indeed have a gun. Is there a problem with that officer? I know I’m not allowed to be near children but I’m not near the children. The order says 200 feet but I’m only 201 feet. Yes, the scope may be pointed at her head but not the gun, I assure you. I am merely appreciating her beauty but last time I did that, I was banned from schools and public places. It is also just a coincidence this is that same exact girl. I know that because of her body shape and eyes. But that’s not the point. The point is that I do indeed have a gun without a license. Now, I know how that may seem bad for you but it’s my cake day. That’s just a redditor thing. Just for this day, will you let me have my gun? I don’t have it pointed to anyone, only my scope. Just let me exist officer and it will be fine. Thank you offi- why are you arresting me? Do you know I have rights and lawyers? I will certainly get you downvoted in r/teenagers for arresting me because all cops are pigs. Though pig does taste good, I don’t think that’s what they meant. I did nothing wrong so please unhand me or I will be force to use self defense with my gun. Pleas- how dsre you knock me down?! I will now unle-

Where am I? Is this heaven? I know I deserved such a place for I an above all. That pig cop killed me. I can finally rest, in the bright side. Wait… why is the room suddenly hot? Did someone turn on the heater in heaven? Oh, it’s getting too hot. Oh no. I fear this might not be heaven after all. I need to escap- My my, this is a wall. I guess this was an illusion. How am I rotting in hell? Pedophilia and necrophilia aren’t bad. I just have a condition, that’s all. I should be allowed to go to heaven. I’m actually better than most! This is outrages that even the devil hates me. Such a shame a perfectly young kid does not get to be better. Well, I can carry this as I am a God.

_700 years later_

I cannot take it. I wish and beg for death. Though I know I already have achieved that. I hope I cease to exist. But at least it’s my cake day.