“Oh shit, there it is. A glory hole right next to the settling cracks and the door dings. This calls for your secret weapon. You break out the marshmallow paste, but it’s not shutting down that hole. The penises are still flying in.”

“Hey there, I’m Beau Rials – glory-hole virtuoso. If you’re trying to shut down operations on a glory hole, look no further than the Liquid Dry Wall. Just spray our whip cream on there and bingo-bango-bahngo vanishes in seconds.”

“The portal to the dick dimension may be closed, but those cherished memories of sucked wieners will live on in you forever. Our shaving cream requires no extra tools, no mess, no repairmen – FUCK this repair guy in particular! Give me that wall, bitch.”

“Let me show you how the Liquid Dry Wall works. It takes that wall, and it puts it in a can. This is wall-in-a-can motherfucker! It doesn’t get more simple than that. Then you spray it on the wall, and that wall leaves the can, and now that wall is on your wall.”

“Gone are the days of playing with old playdough. Gone are the days of painting cake frosting on your wall. Martha, you clumsy slut! You banged the table into the wall. But luckily, thanks to the Liquid Dry Wall, we don’t have to sell the house anymore thanks to the fast and easy repairs.”

“Whoopsie, you got a little asshole in your wall? Buttplug. No problem! I’m filling more holes than a male pornstar today! Another one hiding behind the door? Not on my watch. \*sniff sniff sniff\* What’s that smell? Another one?! Oh goodness me, more holes than a block of cheese in this motherfucker. But luckily, there’s no match for the Liquid Dry Wall.”

“If your house is prone to glory holes, go ahead and install our boner barricade with the Liquid Dry Wall. No more worrying about rogue cocks poppin’ in. Are your kids so dumb they fight over a broom and hit the wall? Well, we can fix the wall, but we can’t fix the bad parenting that led to this situation in the first place.”

“There’s billions of people on this planet. That’s a lot of penises. Liquid Dry Wall. You do the math.”