I am a single, white, Christian male who puts Jesus and the sanctity of His word before everything in my life. I have four dogs Matthew, Mark, Luke, and Rudy (he was named when I adopted him unfortunately. I believe God put me here for a reason. I believe I am his messenger. I am currently working to gather my flock to do his work here on earth. Part of that will be by finding one or more wives who will serve me by serving him. I want a wife that can bear me children, who can be home schooled and brought up in the Truth that is His love. I consider myself very conservative and have been told on several occasions I have no sense of humor. I need a woman who will accept that our relationship and our bed will be shared between us and Jesus Christ. I the bedroom I mean that quite literally: there is a 3/4 scale model of Christ that I keep nailed above my California King bed, who will watch over us and protect us from Satan entering our dreams at night and forcing us into having sex with him or his demons. I carved him myself from wood that I believe to have been part of the original cross on which Christ himself died. I purchased it on Craigslist from a reputable Israeli source. I believe Christ intended me to lead his followers in the apocalyptic aftermath of the Obama administration, after the country is ruined by a Great War with all the atheists, lesbians, Jews, Muslims, and foreigners who have come here to take advantage of good Christian families like ours. I take cold showers only because the discomfort reminds me of the suffering Jesus Christ endured to wash away the sin of all mankind. I am an experienced outdoorsman and although I cannot say I’ve worked a single job during my 20s, I learned to live in the woods while reading the Bible. On several occasions whilst living in the woods, I spoke to god and 2 different angels through various animal avatars he would send to deliver me his instruction. At the moment between running my church out of a public storage unit and volunteering as a youth group counselor, I currently work at Coffee Bean, where I frequently find myself in disagreement with my disgusting sodomite manager, Simon.

[Sauce](http://m.imgur.com/a/6plYR).