I fucking hate beans. Now I know what you’re all thinking: “That’s normal, loads of people don’t like beans”, but read the title again. I HATE THEM.

They genuinely make me angry, I want to kill every single one of those little fucking cuntbags.

Why do I hate them? For starters, they are little smug vegan fucks, and they look like little oily testicles without the ball sack. Second of all, they taste like somebody took a huge shit, ate that shit, puked it out, ate it again, took another shit, mixed it with Ted Cruz’s spunk, then condense it. And last but not least, their name really pisses me off. “B E A N”. Makes my skin crawl. What the fuck kind of a name is “B E A N”??? Seriously, any time I hear that word it makes me want to find the nearest bean shop, buy a bean, walk up the tallest building that I can find, and throw the little fucker right off.

I actually have a bean farm in my back garden where I grow my own beans, just so I can torture them. Fucking beans