It’s been two years now and my brain is still rewired from playing this amazing game. Everything I do is determined by my experience in the game, it’s so immersive that I can no longer differentiate it from reality.
Last night I had to cook dinner for me and my wife’s son. I went to the store to buy some chicken and salt, as well as a couple apples. I lit a fire in my back yard and threw a pot on it. I combined the ingredients, threw them in it for a few seconds.
It turns out everything was “severely undercooked”, and it put my wife’s son in the hospital. Police men were there asking me questions, but I’m not really sure what they were getting at because I couldn’t see any highlighted hints in the subtitles. I couldn’t see any subtitles at all for some reason.
Suddenly they started to get aggressive and wanted to handcuff me. As one of them pulled out their night stick I couldn’t help but think of the bokoblins in Breath of the Wild. I grabbed the nearest object, which happened to be an IV pole, and started beating him with it. It quickly broke as it had low durability, and they started beating me back. I was overwhelmed by the bokoblins and all I could think to do was to eat an apple to help recover my health, but it didn’t work. I soon fell unconscious.
I woke up in a jail cell with my jaw hurting like hell and bruises all over my body. All I could think about was how Zelda must be in a similar situation in the castle. Maybe I was in the castle. I needed to find her.
Which brings me to today. I’m posting this from a contraband Sheikah Slate(that’s what I call cell phones now). I’m still in jail. A man here says he can help me find Zelda if I bring him 15 packs of ramen. I don’t have quite enough money in commissary for that, so I’ll have to get creative. Fortunately Breath or the Wild has helped me prepare for that, so my quest will continue on.
Thank you, Nintendo.