♬ You may think I’m overcome
With torment and depression
Symptoms common to the loser
Of a big election
But not me
You see
I’ve got a secret weapon
That keeps me happy and gay
I’m
Still
[a Dixieland jazz tune starts]
RICH!
Filthy rich!
As far as I’m concerned
This election thing
Went off without a hitch
Now I’ll have the best tax write-offs
I could ever get
While he has nothin’ but gettin’ blame
For the US goin’ to
H-E-double-hockey-sticks
Oh, life’s a bitch!
Wait, except, it ain’t for me
Cos I’m still rich!
Take it away, boys!
[jazzy rich people’s concession music]
Oh I never really wanted that
Low-wage President job to taint my career
Besides, who on Earth could possibly get by
On $400,000 a year?
Now that I’m done
Pretendin’ to have fun
Spendin’ time with the plebeians
My speakin’ fee will multiply by three
So, if you ask me, we won.
This may be the happiest day
Of my entire life.
I promise you I’m definitely
Not crying inside
Because I’m…
…stiiiiiiiiiiiiiiilllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll…
…ricH!
Filthy rich!
Trust me, my strategy worked perfectly!
Didn’t have one single glitch!
Shucks! I can go overseas and invest
In whatever I darn well please.
While Obama triple-double-checks his pension
To make sure it isn’t overly Chinese.
Life’s a flippin’ bitch!
Wait, except, it ain’t for me,
‘cos I’m still,
horse ridin’,
company acquirin’
income hidin’,
employee firin’,
luxury yacht buyin’,
RIIIIIIIiiIIIIIIIiIIIIiiiiIIiiiiIiiiiiiiiiicHH!♬

Hey, let’s give it up for the Mitt Romney Mormon Tabernacle Dixieland Band!