My friends. My friends.

 Many of you out there have been calling me gay, so I have devised a test to prove I am not.

Before I start this test, I will need some volunteers. How about you down there, third row, fourth from center. Yes, you.

Now.

This is how the test works. I am going to watch gay porn, and then you are going to feel whether or not my cock is hard. If it is hard I am gay, for obvious reasons. If it is not hard we are both gay because you touched my cock and I gave you permission to. You are welcome.