This post is a cry for help. I can’t stand this anymore. Everywhere I go, this stupid yellow shitstain somehow finds me and ruins my life. No matter how many defense mechanisms I have, it always come back.

Yesterday, I was working at my job when I heard it. That fateful sound of a goal being scored. I quickly leaped out of my chair and turned around, but the fucker had already used Discharge on all of my coworkers. I ran towards the bastard to punch him, but he set up a Volt Switch in my cubicle, preventing me from working again. I quickly bolted to the office fridge to grab my salad, but by the time I screamed “VENUSAUR USE PETAL DANCE” the fucker had already used Eject Button out the window. I couldn’t work anymore because of the Volt Switch, so I had to leave so I could get a Potion from my car to take the attack.

As I grabbed the Potion from my car, the thing jumped me from behind and used Plasma Gale, smacking the Potion into the middle of the road. Before I could go grab it, a car raced by and crushed the Potion, making it worthless. As I was standing there, shocked by what happened, the yellow demon used Wild Charge on my car, giving me 4 flat tires simultaneously. Filled with rage, I grabbed a Lucario plush from my car, shoved an X Attack onto its face, and hurled it at the thing, while screaming “LUCARIO USE POWER UP PUNCH.” Just like always, however, my Power Up Punch was barely out of range, and the fucker used Eject Button away again.

After I took a bus home, I was exhausted. As I was lying in my bed, depressed, my 6-year old daughter came into the room. She started talking about her favorite TV show, when suddenly, her face began to change. No. NO. As she continued talking, her face continued to morph, until it was identical to Zeraora. I was ready this time, though. I quickly kicked off my shoes, revealing that I had duct-taped poison to my feet. I then proceeded to HexBomb the ever loving shit out of that thing. I looked up and screamed with joy, thinking it was all over. However, as I came to my senses, I saw my daughter unconscious on the floor and realized what I had done. The yellow bastard had tricked me. My wife stood in the doorway, shocked, before she pulled out her phone and dialed 911. I’m writing this in the woods right now, the police are probably going to find me soon.