Gosh it disturbs me to view you, Gaston,

Looking so flaccid and limp

Everyone here’d love to do you, Gaston,

For you they would happily simp

No man in town’s as titillating as you,

You’re everyone’s favorite whore!

I think of you while masturbating, it’s true

And we all can see why, that’s for suuuuuuuuuure!

–

Nooo oooooooone… Fucks like Gaston

No one sucks like Gaston

No one whores themselves out for ten bucks like Gaston!

For there’s no man in town half as sexy!

A pornographic paragon!

You can ask any Tom, Dick, or Betsy

And they’ll tell you whose dick they’d prefer to be ooooon!

–

Noooo oooooone… bangs like Gaston!

All the gangs like Gaston!

No one’s got quite a heft to his wang like Gaston!

As a specimen, yes, it’s *intimidating!*

Oh, what a ho, that Gaston!

Give five rimjobs! Suck seven dicks!

Gaston is the best and the rest are all pricks!

–

Noooo… oooone… jerks like Gaston!

Does sex work like Gaston!

No one strips on a table and twerks like Gaston!

For there’s none with as big of a Johnny!

“As you see, I’ve got penis to spare!”

And his scrotum ain’t scraggly or scrawny

“That’s right! And every last inch of it’s covered with hair!”

–

No one bums like Gaston!

All his chums like Gaston!

In a wanking match, nobody *cums* like Gaston!

“I’m especially good at *e-jac-u-lating!* ***UNGH!***”

Ten points for Gaston!

–

When I was a lad, I sucked four dozen dicks

Every morning to help me pay rent

And now that I’m grown, I suck *five* dozen dicks

And I leave them all totally speeeeeent!

–

Nooooo… oooooone… faps like Gaston!

Makes them clap like Gaston!

And then gives that big booty a slap like Gaston!

“All the lasses find my ass so *fascinating!*”

Oh what a ho!

Gastoooooooon!