The Indian wakes up eager to start his virtuous Indian day and immediately a thought pops into his head. ENGLISH! This of course is a daily occurrence without fail. “I wonder what those stupid English are up to,” he thinks as he instinctively opens up his favorite English speaking website Reddit from his iPhone. He scrolls and scrolls seeking an opening to talk about England, anything to latch on to. He’s totally not obsessed with England. He becomes bored so he turns his TV on and opens up cricket. He loves engaging in english as he bashes England. He’s totally not obsessed. He gets hungry and reaches for his iphone to order chicken tikka masala. “Stupid English making me eat their shitty food,” he thinks to himself, “Indian food is so much better not even close.” He has eaten Pizza Express 3 out of the last 5 nights for dinner. He waits downstairs for his food so he decides to put on some English electronic music. “Ugh stupid English,” he says “their culture is such shit! Not like Indian culture, we have history! and long-standing traditions. True culture comes from the poor!” A Sikh family crosses his path and he pretends to not hate them and gives them a friendly nod and a wave. “WAAAOOOO” he thinks as he smirks so self-satisfied “I bet if this was England they would have opressed them lol.” “Us Indians are much more open-minded and civilized.” He nods agreeing with himself. His food arrives and makes his way back upstairs as he slurps down the tea the English have forced him to drink. As he sits down to enjoy his shitty English food his Iphone receives an alert. NEW ZEALAND WON THE CRICKET MATCH! “Oh my fucking god!” He yells! “I am so gonna rub this in their stupid British faces!” He tweets, he posts on Instagram. He jumps on Reddit and comments with furor and xenophobia. He never really congratulates New Zealand or their success but instead talks about how England loss and how they are all so stupid. Hes totally not obsessed with the British. Dont even joke around like that. Hes cooming with joy. “I really showed those stupid English today” he says to himself “they fucking deserve it, god damn imperialists,” he says without a shred of irony supporting the BJPs subjecation of minorities in India. Feeling extra good about his exploits he decides to go out and enjoy his blessed, virtuous, pretentious Indian day. He laces up his Western running shoes nice and tight. As he walks out he grabs a piece of cardboard sitting by the door. The Indian is now on his way out to protest about Muslims in India. Standing in a bus with 300 other people in it he has a thought. Why DO I care so much about the English… Am I obsessed with the British colonialism from almost a century ago?” he thinks as he is on his way to yell anti Muslim chants in support of his Hindu Nationalist vision.