So today I was looking for a bag of cheese puffs in my local corner shop, I stumbled across a much greater tasting substance, but it contained a high amount of glucose and had saturated fat. Then I managed to achieve such greatness in my discovery, my fathers birth certificate. It was illegally being sold along with his mugshots and everything. My father has been in prison for 20 years now, he robbed a jewellery store and committed mass genocide. He left for prison when I was 6, I am 26 writing this. I don’t think he’ll ever come back. Mother said he’ll come back soon, but when is soon. Anyway, I bought the birth certificate and got an illegal passport so I could smuggle illegal substances across the border. Why does the plane not let me bring water across the border, we need to stay hydrated at all times!