I fucking love Doritos.

No, I fucking love Doritos.

“Damn, that’s a pretty fucking bold statement, Mike!”

But I am going to goddamn defend this statement. I am going to fucking put my whole being and life behind this statement. I’m going to fucking pound the fucking table.

I fucking love Doritos.

No, it’s not an unhealthy relationship .

It’s a fucking INCREDIBLE relationship.

It’s happy.

It’s fun.

It’s fucking PURE.

We ride bicycles together. We hold hands. We talk about our day. We watch fucking movies together.

I am going to say ONE more fucking thing about this.

We fuck together, and we eat Doritos together .

We cuddle and comfort eachother.

That’s fucking love.

When we fuck, we fuck to the sound of 2 people eating Doritos together.

I’ve never fucking had that kind of fucking happiness in my life.

The feeling of fucking pure, human love. Fucking love with no bullshit.

Nothing to hide from, no sympathy, none of that fucking bullshit.

We’re just like a fucking couple, except we fuck with Doritos.

A man and a woman who love eachother, except we fuck with Doritos.

We even cuddle at night, except we put Doritos in our mouths.

I mean, we do everything you could fucking possibly imagine. We eat Doritos on the beach, drink Doritos, dance with Doritos.

I don’t need to say anymore. You know, once you admit you love something, you put your fucking heart and soul into it.

You really do.

You live and breathe and support it, in everyway.

I don’t know everyone in this world who loves Doritos.

I just want people to know they exist.

I love Doritos, and the whole fucking world needs to know that.

That’s what it comes down to.

I don’t know if you can love a fucking thing, in this world, that much….