the year is 2056.

The Angry and Vengeful Ghost of Bernie Sanders still trails behind E-Cybo-Gieg-6000 by 0.1%. Iowa Caucus results are at 99.9%

Trump has been president for 40 years. When they shrank his head to get rid of the bald spot, they removed his brain and replaced it with a pacemaker that has maintained the flow of Diet Coke running through his veins and preserving his organs in aspartame. Through a legal loophole, he ran again and again and again, claiming that term limits could not apply to him since he was technically no longer human. Nancy Pelosi had accidentally torn up the constitution during his 2020 state of the union and nobody knew enough about politics or the law to argue.

I am on my death bed, googling “Iowa Caucus Results.” I have not seen my family in 36 years.

the percentage ticks over to 100%. A single remaining vote has pushed Bernie ahead of Pete by 0.1%

“ahhhhh,” I sigh as my soul finally leaves my broken, starving, atrophied body. A body that has known nothing but pain. a body that has moved nothing but thumbs to punch in iowa caucus results into my archaic Samsung Galaxy A5 (2017)

“I knew it. Democracy works. This is how Bernie can still win.”