*walks up to you confidently* Hi, I just couldn’t help but appreciate your striking presence from across the dog park. *smiles brightly* I sense you’re in need of change and I just feel moved to reach out to you. *tears up* It’s like the heavens opened up and shone a holy light on you. *reaches for your hand with both of mine* I’ve been guided here to reveal you’re true calling! *weeping openly* YOU’VE BEEN CHOSEN TO SELL OILS AND OIL ACCESSORIES! *whole dog park erupts in tearful applause even the animals understand the gravity of what’s happened here* I was called to be your greasy senpai by god and anime.