BREAKING NEWS: MUGABE SOLICITS ADVICE FROM CLOSE FRIEND WENGER

Under fire boss Robert Mugabe has, after facing calls for resignation from disgruntled fans, turned to the experience of long-time friend Arsene Wenger. Wenger, 68, who himself is an expert in manipulating his way around mass pressure for impeachment, admitted that he had answered Mugabe’s cry for help. “No, I did not see the incident in Zimbabwe, but I know Robert and I know he has a good record. Nobody in this day and age can hold down a position for so long without a great deal of resilience” affirmed the French dictator of North London when asked about his compatriot. Mugabe has since fled the country, bullied out by the presence of Zimbabwe Fan TV outside his luxurious residence in Harare. Even Mugabe’s former vice-president has encouraged the President to call an end to his 37-year reign. Wenger, however, still holds hope stating “every great leader has his critics, Robert just has to be calm and stick to his philosophy while denying having seen any incident. Maybe if he wins a friendly against Botswana he might buy himself another 10 years”.