This does not bring me joy.

Lately, I have noticed there are two different OnionLovers: people who love onions, and people who think WE’RE A FUCKING JOKE. Do I look like a joke to you? Do you enjoy throwing a firecracker in the onion basket and running away?

I *know* for a FACT that yall aren’t out there eating whole onions like apples. Gtfo. video or it didn’t happen.

PaLease: you are not eating a raw onion sammich with nothing else.

Listen, I know this because I LOVE onions. I have devoted my entire adult life LOVING onions. Red onions, yellow onions, chives, green onions, shallots – you name it, I love it. I eat onions with everything you should eat onions with. NOT FOR FUKING CEREAL! Crawl back to the planet you came from.

This area is for 100% bona-fide onion L-o-v-e-r-s:

The People who see the perfect onion, and think “I know someone who who’d appreciate this.” We do, ty.

The People who spent their entire evening getting the perfect carmelization. We see you.

The ones who give back to the Onion God’s, and don’t just take take, take. Blessings.

For the real OnionLovers: keep going. You are loved.

For the OnionHeritics: go eat an orange.

Note: I am only 80% joking.