Some say that fat squirrels are simply misunderstandood, victims of hibernation which compels them to follow their base desires of gorging themselves on food.

Nay I say these squirrels are ravenous scoundrels. Driven by animal instinct you say? Haha you simple fool, they have no greater want in life then to feast on food. Unlike the industrious beaver, these obese freeloaders abuse and torment those of a kind (albeit dim-witted) heart. Those who spare give out free calories to unfortunate souls in their neighbourhood at the cost of their own money. Fat squirrels simply abuse these kind souls.

Shame, fat squirrels, shame.