No, I don’t *just* want to fuck Twitch – I have a deep-seated sexual fascination with ‘Twitch’ from the video game Tom Clancy’s Rainbow Six® Siege. I don’t think you realise just how much I wish to engage in vague and devious sexual activities with said fictional French female gendarme. I would love nothing more than to have my skull crushed by her thick French thighs while she simultaneously serenades me with her equally thick French accent. However, it is not to be, I will never feel the soft touch of her fashionable two-tone balaclava on my skin and I will never feel her weird skeleton-looking gloves clamp down on my windpipe; all the while I struggle for breath. And, as the last gasps of life escape my now pale and blued carcass, she’ll bend down and whisper in my ear – one last time – “Deploying, shock-drone”.