BearBottoms? Somebody named their company this?

Holy shit. Yeah, I’m not wearing shorts called BearBottoms.

Edit: And Chubbies is a stupid company name as well. I don’t wear them either. Ridiculous company names is a bit of a pet peeve. Place near me called Eggslut – who the hell are these companies appealing to, fifteen year olds?

Edit 2: Looks like this doesn’t sit well with some folks, that’s too bad. This is my opinion and I’m sticking by it and the imaginary downvotes have no real currency. One day they might, though. I started wondering what that will be like…

One day – if you don’t get dragged into a woodchipper by your flowy Rick hoodie and ground to a grisly death, your manpris clad ankles sticking out of the chute – you may be an old guy with an unpopular opinion, but will you share it? Let’s take a peek into your future:

In the morning you’ll get your DiarrheaRoast from CoffeeWhore and while it’s not that great you won’t complain. The FreshManureRoast from Bean Bastard is better but ever since the CEO got arrested for body shaming that customer (if only he had known she identified as ‘Ugly’ before he told her she looked nice) the Social Media AI has stopped assigning Positive Interaction Credits for posting purchases from there and they’ll be out of business before the month is over. It’s all happened before. Nothing to be done. Can’t say anything about it.

For lunch you’ll head over to BurgerBitch where the auto order bot screws up and delivers the FuckHeadFish sandwich rather than the BigBallsack burger you wanted but since you only have 27.33 minutes for lunch there’s not really enough time to access the resolution module, answer all 42 questions, complete a card chargeback and make a new order. You’d like to call the 800 number to file a complaint but don’t have enough Social Media Credits to get through the line. Nothing you can do about it.

At home you you turn on the CableSadist to watch whatever show is allowed for that day but are soon distracted by the strains of the latest pedophile-bestaility rap coming form your pre-teen daughters bedroom. Some song by MC SuckMyAsshole about a dog fucking a baby. The kids all love it. You think back wistfully to when music was about bragging and treating women like shit – ahh, the good old days. You were going to speak up when that song came out but the wife reeled you in – the under 13 demographic is powerful and the family can’t afford the negative downvotes. Remember what happened to Bob last year?

And anyway, the shitty music pales in comparison to the new tattoo your daughter has: the word PROSTITUTE on her forehead, in comic sans. Another fad, can’t say anything though, can’t be critical of anyone, can’t chance offending someone. Can’t risk it.

So you settle in for another frozen dinner of vienna sausages and plasticky mashed potatoes, the wife snapping a pic for the FamilyBook feed. She’ll be sure to use the words AWESOME and SUPER and AMAZING because the ScoreBot assigns more value to those posts. The AI rewards happy contentedness, punishes discord. And the family needs those positive credits.

You didn’t like it when the government mandated a social media ID but you didn’t say anything. You didn’t like it when the Amazon AI and Google AI wars started but you didn’t say anything. And after, when the Social Interaction Credit system was set up it was – well, it was too late. Now you literally can’t afford to say anything negative.

You can remember a time when people used to say what was on their mind on the internet but then it kinda changed. The opinionated oldies died off and the younger folks, like you, sort of conditioned each other to not be critical, not offend, not disagree. What was that site? Oh yeah, Reddit. Long gone now, banned a long time ago. Some say it’s still out there on the darknet but that’s risking prison time, and the AI always finds out.

Nothing to be done about it now. Can’t say anything now. Oh well…

Yeah, I just made up a whole bunch of shit because I was bored. Watch some of it come to pass.