i want to be treated like a fucking bug
#Why I Want to be Treated Like a Fucking Bug, or, How I Learned to Ditch Morals and Embrace Formicophilia
Reason I. The Beatles
Reason II. Glue on roach, bro! Glue is on the roach!! Oh shit!
Reason III. While I was in the fifth grade on the playground, there was a colony of fire ants near by. The entire class walked over to it and started fucking massacring them. While participating in such activities, one of the fire ants crawled up my dick and bit it whilst real deep down my urethra. The amount of cum I produced that day is uncountable, unmanageable and unmatched to this very day. A messy deluge of cum. A fountain of youth, if by youth you mean sperm. God, it was fucking hot.
Reason IV. A New Hope
Reason V. They’re called **cock**roaches for a fucking reason, Susan. You dribbling heathen.
Reason VI. While I was a wee lass, around the age where one begins to find out that Santa isn’t real, I was happily prancing around the fields of where I was conceived, when I spotted it. A big, beautiful, busty, tree with a lovely, gorgeous bee hive. It was perfect. Fantastically shapen, amazing curves, and bees that looked like they screamed “FUCK ME MERCILESSLY!”. Of course, I had to see if I could have intercourse with one of these honey hotties. I majestically walked over to the hive of wonder, and began to try to tempt the bees out, for them to make the first move on me. I undressed, fully naked in the field, tits out and all, and began moaning so loudly it could be heard miles away. But all I wanted was those fucking seductive stingers. The bees started to approach, drawing nearer with every moan. They started buzzing all over my body, and jesus fucking christ I started to produce enough precum to fill an entire goddamned bathtub. As I began moving more sensually, the bees began to get more agitated, bringing out those salacious stingers. Each sting only fueled my passion for fucking bees. Then it happened. This lustful, passionate bee drew nearer to my tits; I began to fantasize all the ways they could possibly sting me in the region. I never thought of the possibility that this sexy mother fucker could’ve stung me right on the nipple, but by god she did. The climax that occurred after The Great Stinging of ’09, it was indescribable. The sheer amount of passion, pain, and ecstasy created an orgasm and following moan so fucking loud, the window repair costs in all of the state of Absaroka exceeded 30 million. I still haven’t recovered from the amount of times I was stung that day, but I never want to, to have a permanent reminder of that sexy-as-fuck bee.
Reason VII. insemct
Reason VIII. Have you fucking *seen* the [Umma Gumma](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Umma_gumma) fly? Not only is it named after the objective best Pink Floyd album, but it’s also a goddamn sex machine. I rest my case.
Reason IX. ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS
Reason X. [This fucking man.](https://imgur.com/kk8KQFQ.jpg) I’d be lying if I said i haven’t jerked my tadpole-trickler to him since the day we met on www.halloweencostumes.com. The memory of him just rubbed off on me, so I rubbed one off to the memory. It was supposed to be a one-time thing, but from the second I twisted my fleshtwizzler to that Caterpillar Man, I was addicted. I yearned for my knees to be rugburnt from hours of sucking Caterpillar Man’s Caterpillar Cock. For my throat to be clogged up, the only moisture present being Caterpillar Man’s Caterpillar Cum. For Caterpillar Man to enter my cavernous anal canal and experience heaven on this earth just as I have since I first laid my eyes upon him. I never wanted to breed with anyone more than I want to with Caterpillar Man. That perfect, curvy body. Those luscious legs. The child bearing chrysalis of a literal god. It honestly fucking hurts knowing that I’ll never mate with him, have his genes pass through me, and birth a set of perfect mutant human/caterpillar offspring. I’d do fucking ANYTHING for the chance to get Caterpillar Man impregnate me. **A N Y T H I N G.** And the fact that www.halloweencostumes.com would create something so perfect? To fucking tantalize us? Fucking laugh in our faces?! Honestly guys, I just fucking can’t anymore. Holy fucking shit. I want Caterpillar Man to bang me so goddamn bad. I can’t stand it anymore. Every time I go into my garden I get a massive erection. I’ve seen literally every rule 34 post there is of him online. My dreams are nothing but constant fucking sex with Caterpillar Man. I’m sick of waking up every morning with six nuts in my panties and knowing that those are nuts that should’ve been busted while having Caterpillar Man completely fucking rail me. I want to have my mutant human/caterpillar babies with him. Fuck, my fucking mom caught me with the caterpillar in the front garden. I picked it up and stuck it in my anus and just went to fucking town. Gallons of cum. She hasn’t said a word to me in 10 hours and I’m worried she’s gonna take away my outside privileges. I might not ever get to see Caterpillar Man again.
**Thank you for coming to my TED Talk, fellow insect fuckers.**