I fucking hate Caillou. I know what you’re thinking, this is some kind of funny joke, but no. Caillou is a piece of shit. A damn bald bitchboy got picked over actual children in the sperm race and he’s supposed to be a role model? And I can’t even tell you how many damn times I’ve seen a great parking space only to turn the corner and realise Caillou is already parked there in his stupid little fucking sedan. He took my wife and the kids and my house and my job. I swear to fucking god, I’m going to kill myself and take that goddamn baldy to hell with me. Caillou has ruined my family. Last summer, I approached the miserable kid in the street, and asked him for his autograph, because my son is a huge fan. The fucking bitch gave me the autograph and told me to burn in hell. Later, when I gave my son the autograph he started crying and said he hated me. Turns out the sisterfucker didnt write his autograph, no, he wrote “you’re a piece of shit, and i fucked your mom”. I’m now divorced, and planning a huge class-action lawsuit against the white devil that ruined my life. Your time is almost over, Caillou. All the people you’ve wronged will rise against you.

Caillou is an ugly ass child.He is so ugly he cries when he looks in a mirror. His mother secretly hates him and his sister. Caillou should be a character in GTA because he looks high all the time. His sister is literally the age of a fetus. It looks like she is starting to go bald like Caillou. Caillou might go into drug dealing when he gets older. His mother doesn’t like Caillou because he is bald. She doesn’t like his sister because she is ugly. Looks like they got it from somewhere. One day Caillou will die of hatred because of him finding out his mom secretly hates him.

He’s a fucking spoiled brat who gets what he wants because he has a terminal illness. He’s a bald asshole and can’t do anything correctly. He cries like the little pussy he is every time he doesn’t get what he wants. This little shit slams chairs if his mom doesn’t want to go get McDonald’s. He’s a fucking delinquent and never gets punished. He stole a towel from his disabled friend and ran away because they couldn’t chase him. His parents look identical he’s probably from Alabama too. Fuck Caillou

Fuck Caillou. This stupid inbred fucks name is literally “Rock” in French. His parents literally named him after stone, they thought he was so boring and stupid. Also about his parents, their names are LITERALLY “Boris” and “Doris”. They’re actually committing Incest, they’re so disgusting. Fuck Caillou, that stupid waste of air. “Whiny ass bitch” should be his name, but his parents are too stupid to come up with it.

Caillou is an unbearable monster. His whole character is an absolute nightmare. Starting with the design, where the fuck is his hair? He’s just bald for no reason, and he’s old enough to have hair. Next all his facial feature’s are unproportional to the size of his gargantuan monstrosity of a head. It reminds me of the type of drawing I made in kindergarten before I knew how to properly hold a pencil. His animation is just disgusting and looks like some sort of concept sketch that the animators made as joke. Also what the actual fuck is up with Caillou’s wardrobe? What is that Ronald McDonald looking shirt he has on? Hey Caillou get a shirt that fits you! You look like fucking Billie Eilish with that giant ass shirt. The worst part is his fucking socks. They look like those giant noodles that they use for Macaroni and Cheese ant Red Robin. They’re big and ugly as hell but for some reason they’re attchde to the shoe, not inside the shoe. Where the hell did he get these god-awful socks that look like ankle weights? Enough about looks though because Caillou is an absolute peice of shit as a person as well as a horrible-dresser. Caillou is the absolute apitamy of bad parenting. He is a horrible little brat and is constantly bitching about some new problem. Every single fucking episode something is wrong with Caillou. Oh boo-fucking-hoo Caillou! Do you have to wait till tomorrow to go the the circus. Maybe you could get the fuck over it instead of throwing a goddamn tantrum you little twat. All Caillou ever does is constantly bitch about his “problems”, cry, and just act like a little fucking brat. His actions never have any consequences so he just keeps being the little fucker that he is. He never learns or teaches the viewers a single lesson besides “be a fucking bitch about every little thing in your life”. Lastly what the hell is that voice? He sounds like satan, crossed with a minion from Despicable Me, crossed with a baby. It just makes everything he says, especially his fits even more unbearable. Every time he speaks I want to take a baseball bat to his teeth that he’ll never talk again.

Caillou is a despicable, spineless 4-year-old boy who cannot do anything. He can’t grow hair, not because he has cancer or progeria, but because he sucks, and even his own body recognizes that he does not deserve hair or food or love. He has a baby sister who dominates his life because she is a normal, loving child who does not whine about the slightest fart of the breeze. Caillou’s parents love her better because she is a better person. Someday Caillou will realize this and probably whine while falling face-first onto the pavement in front of a Tim Horton’s for no reason whatsoever. Maybe he’ll die from his injuries. That would be great, especially because Caillou is Canadian and his health care in event of catastrophic injury isn’t on my tab. Win-win for American parents everywhere, really. There is absolutely no plot whatsoever to any episode of Caillou. The average episode involves Caillou being challenged by something: dogs, loud noises, the wind, stairs, cats, vegetables, sitting up, taking really big breaths. He fails at all of these and cries before being left by the side of the road by his laughing parents. They drive off, ecstatic and free, as the credits roll and the screen fades on a shivering silhouette of Caillou alone in the wilds of rural Quebec. The show’s art also sucks pretty badly. Caillou started out life as a cartoon baby, and when he got bigger, the animators simply gave him longer legs and arms. At his rate of current growth, Caillou will look like a human version of a Daddy Long Legs when he reaches adulthood. Adult faces are frozen and expressionless. This is because it is in Canada, which is very cold, and also because the mundane horror of living with Caillou has killed anything human in their souls. Backgrounds are barely fleshed out; the animators hate this show as much as you do, and they want to give it as little effort as possible before returning to making anime pornography and drinking to forget their pain. It’s not even that Caillou is bad at things. I have a 4-year-old. They are astonishingly inept at things, but they try, and also randomly excel at things they’ve never even tried before. They are people, in other words. Caillou is not human. No human has ever given up and cried at every single thing ever attempted and then whined into his parents sweater. Which parent? Either, any, whoever: It is a Canadian cartoon, so everyone wears a sweater all the time, even when nude. Maybe the design of the show was to show 4-year-olds another 4-year-old who would go through many of the same scary things they would undergo in life. Then they would take that 4-year-old, rob him of all will, skill and character, and show him failing and being the worst child on the planet. Then the 4-year-old viewer would feel better about everything because at least they weren’t Caillou, who even to 4-year-olds is the walking embodiment of failure and everything they will never, ever be. This is not an isolated opinion. Every parent I know hates Caillou with a passion usually reserved for cockroaches and Hitler, and with good reason: Children who watch Caillou get whinier after watching the show and become more like Caillou, and thus less lovable and more likely to wind up abandoned by their parents on a cold Canadian roadside as bear food. In summary: Bullying is no laughing matter, unless it is done to Caillou. Caillou is awful, and we should get it off the air as soon as possible, and rid this world of his horrible bald face once and for all.

Fuck Caillou and his bald looking ass. Fuck Caillou and his high ass whiney ass voice. Fuck Caillou and his dumbass Mom. Fuck Caillou and his idiot dad. To be fair his little sister is pretty cool though. Fuck Caillou and his yellow shirt. Fuck Caillou and his sometimes colorful hat that doesn’t even have a propeller on it. Fuck Caillou and his weird ass Jean shorts. Fuck Caillou and his blue eyed dog. Fuck Caillou for being a brat to his nice ass teacher.

If I were in a room with Caillou and Hitler and had a gun with two bullets, I would shoot Hitler twice and beat Caillou to death with my bare fucking hands. That bald fucker can go kiss my ass because he is a