Greetings <insert name here>. My name is Shankar Agate, and I am an official representative of the International Committee of Penis Affairs (ICPA). This message contains serious and sensitive information, some of which may come as a shock, so I recommend that you read no further until you are in private and are sitting down. I regret to inform you that your penis privileges have been revoked. Unfortunately, I cannot currently divulge the specific infraction, but your actions have been found to violate the guidelines of proper use set forth in the International Penis Code (IPC) created during the 1994 Paris Penis Agreement (PPA). You were found guilty of these violations by the Grand Jury of the ICPA, whose jurisdiction is global. The verdict of the Grand Jury is final, and cannot be protested or overturned. As per the IPC, you are legally required to return the penis you possess to your local ICPA embassy. You have one month to return said penis. If you do not comply with this order within one month of receiving this message, you will be in violation of international law, and will be a wanted criminal in every nation on Earth, and in international waters. If you are unsure of proper procedure regarding your penis return, please contact your local ICPA representative.