so basically i was walking in the super secret black market of Texas City, Texas, and I saw a note on the ground. like a 100 dollar note. picked it up, it turned out to be an advertisement for the Crime Church. decided, “what the hell, might as well go and see whats up”. so I go to the address of the Crime Church (666 weed street) and theres this bouncer which asks me, “yo, whats ur business here?” and I said, “heard about the Crime Church” and gave him the printed note. they nodded and let me into the door. when i entered in i was met with quite the sight. weed plants growing everywhere, prostitutes giving their services to patrons to the church, a consensual polyamory orgy in a corner, and a few doctors milling about. one such doctor approached me and introduced themself. “hello, i am Dr. Crime Skeleton,” he began. “i handle the abortions here in the Crime Church. ysee this church has been here for many generations, and is a sanctuary for destroying American Ideals such as individualism, capitalism, family values, and racism. we are a sanctuary for antifa, transgenders, gays, blacks, and abortion getters.” I nodded along. “so,” I mused, “what types of crime do you commit?” “why, i will tell you!” they chattered at me. “we protest without permission, give out abortions freely, give transgenders affirming surgery, tear down confederate statues, and think the holocaust happened.” “i see,” i said. then, i pulled off my disguise to reveal a well armored police uniform. “you have been fooled!” i chortled. “I am a cop!”. an echo of “all cops are bastards” goes through the room. before anyone can say anything, i punch Dr. Crime Skeleton in the face and run outside, laughing. i am writing this while running away from the Crime Church please send reinfo