It was that time of the day. I opened steam and looked for the game I was going to play. Here it was, Berserk Musou, also known as Berserk and the band of the hawk. With a bottle of expensive whisky next to me, I placed myself comfortably on my chair and pressed “play”.
Having already finished the main campaign, I turned on the endless eclipse mode and picked Guts as my character. At that point I was at eclipse layer 81. I didn’t know that was waiting for me on the next layers. I started the game and proceeded to ruthlessly slay the enemies standing in my way. I was already used to this. My level 97 guts had the strongest equipment avaliable. As I cut through the endless waves of enemies, I began to experience joy related to the thought of almost being at layer 100. That was my plan, to finish layer 100 and finally recieve the beast of darkness outfit.
Around eclipse layer 87 it started to get hard. I knew that I had to focus on the game more if I wanted to get to layer 100. Dying on any layer past 81 would mean starting over, but I didn’t feel scared of losing. I was ready… At least I thought that way. Every 5 layers there is a boss fight. I knew that and I was fine with it, the only boss fight I was afraid of was the one waiting for me at layer 100. Now I know that I shouldn’t have underestimated the other ones…
Layer 90… I started the level not expecting anything. Then I heard her. Her extremely sexy voice talking to me. It was Slan, one of the angels of the god hand. I thought to myself: “Ok, she’s just extremely sexy, I don’t need to pay attention to that”. Ignoring the sex appeal blasting from her was too hard afterall. And it wasn’t the only thing that got too hard if you know what I mean. Ugh… there is no point in hiding it, my penis got rock hard the second I saw her. I started running to her but her voice kept making me lose focus. She was talking in japanese, and at that point I stopped looking at the subtitles. I didn’t need to understand a word, my throbbing cock was already taking control. I started to fight two enemies, one of them was Slan, the whore princess of the uterine sea herself. My second enemy was my own lust for her.
I kept charging at her, filled with the urge to penetrate her with my massive dragon slayer. Almost all of my attacks were being blocked, but I kept attacking, just like my dick kept knocking on my desk. I kept telling myself: “I shouldn’t be attracted to her in that form. Right now her body is made of troll intestines.” Sadly that didn’t make a difference to me. I was already filled with my unreasonably high levels of lust for her. I couldn’t stop thinking about her face, her perfect body and her voice… That voice was the biggest problem. Everytime she said something my erection got bigger. I knew I had to keep fighting, and that was what I did.
As she lost hp she kept sending ogres to kill me. At this point there were already three of them and I didn’t notice them in time. Before I had a chance to react, they threw me into a corner and surrounded me. I was trapped. I couldn’t get out of there, the monsters didn’t stop punching and kicking me around. I watched in panic as my hp bar was being slowly drained. The ogres weren’t like trolls, they were huge and extremely strong… But not as huge and strong as my own dick. Being constantly powered up by Slan’s sexy voice I started to get overwhelmed by lust. This time, I used that as a weapon. I made one perfectly timed dodge. It was all I needed to get out of that death trap. As I listened to Slan laughing, I turned on my berserker armor. Killing the trolls was easy and quick, my boner power caused me to perfectly time every move. I didn’t even notice when the last ogre’s body fell down next to me. I knew what I had to do now.
My camera instantly focused on my next target, Slan. At this point my throbbing cock was already lifting my desk. I knew that if I don’t finish this fight quickly, the blood flow will cause my penis to explode. I charged at her instantly, her laugh and looks weren’t getting in my way this time. Sadly there was just one mistake I made… Fighting the ogres, I failed to notice that I had lost almost all of my hp. Before I even had a chance get close, she got me with one of her ranged attacks. My body rolled on the stone floor, and the words “Game Over” showed up.
I felt empty. I failed because of my lust. There I was, sitting in front of my screen, with a hole ripped in my pants, made by my own genitalia. I knew it was time for a break, I turned the game off, opened my browser, and typed the first words that came to my mind.
“Slan rule 34”