Van Patten’s eggshell texture is disgusting. It looks like a piece of cardboard you’d find soiled on a park bench, even though the lettering is clear and striking. Composition-wise, the spacing is good too: the borders are neither too thin nor thick, the edges and corners of the card look like they’re being put to use. However, there’s a lot of space between the name in the centre and the relatively finely printed telephone number in the top left: it draws attention to the horrible eggshell texture. The company name is printed in small font too, but he did a good job of writing “mergers and aquisitions [sic]” in lower-case (with the first letters capitalised), since that makes it more legible.

Bateman’s card has nice lettering – I love the font – and the embossing is a nice touch. However, the top border looks too thick to me: there’s a lot of waste space above the number and company name, and it gives an impression like it was cut out by hand with a pair of scissors not 5 minutes ago. Contrast this with his bottom border which is too thin, an impression compounded by the small font of the address. I agree with the criticisms of another youtuber in the comments to a video of this scene who noticed that Bateman’s numbers are uneven, for example with the 5’s drooping down below the line and giving the card an untidy appearance. Bateman’s font is even smaller than Van Patten’s so the large uneven numbers in the top left stand out especially. Also I’ve heard it mentioned that the ampersand between the 2 “pierces” in the company name is closer to the right “pierce”, also giving the card a mediocre presentation. Bateman has “Vice president’ written in all caps, which gives off a more solid impression. Van Patten’s lower-case “Vice President” makes it look like he’s Vice President of Ubisoft, maybe, but not a respectable trading firm. However, Bateman’s preference for capitalisation produces an undesirable effect with “mergers and aquisitions [sic]”, because his small font squeezes the space-hungry capitals together, which sacrifices legibility. Van Patten’s card also has the bonus of his name written in bold and tying the card into a coherent ensemble with a central visual point of reference, but perhaps a little too bold: makes it look like it’s printed on a Wild West saloon and ruins the air of refinement and sophistication the card was supposed to convey.
Bateman’s card, which is already lacking in tidiness, suffers from Bateman’s aversion to bold lettering.

Bryce’s card seems to be free from the compositional and lettering-related weaknesses of Bateman’s card and doesn’t quite match the textural catastrophe of Van Patten’s. The “Pale Nimbus” texture or whatever still isn’t a choice I would make: it doesn’t stand out that much, but it still looks like the shitty wallpaper in my room. You can even see a few crease-like
imperfections on the top edge of the card, and it’s just begging for one dirty finger dragging an unpleasant looking grease mark over it. Can’t comment definitively on the numbers in the top left and the general compositional value, since Bryce is covering a key portion with his fingers. Once again, I don’t like the Vice President written in lower-case, but in this case, the offence is greater because of the poor choice of lettering. Bryce was obviously going for a “simpler and crisper” look, opting for a sans-serif font, mostly lower-case, but it robs the card of all class: that’s a lettering choice you’d see on an immigration checkpoint at Bristol harbour maybe, but not on a wall street business card. I wouldn’t hesitate to call it plebeian. The embossing is a minor saving grace here. I feel the card would benefit from having his name printed in bold like Van Patten. Overall the card looks like a practice resume written in Arial in MS Word by a high school graduate.

Now Paul Allen’s card is indeed a work of art. My heart jumped a little when I saw it again after all that dross. First of all, no retarded textures: simple, plain, white ( or “subtle off-white”). The size of the letters is perfect: very easily legible and clear. Notice how the address and contact details are written in two separate lines at the bottom. This allows them to be big enough to make out easily, it allows the address to be intuitively separated from the fax/telex numbers, it avoids the situation of having to squeeze that salad of symbols into a thin pathetic ribbon scratched at the bottom, like the others do. it allows the two lines of information to use up the space at the bottom of the card and prevents the information spilling over into the corners and distracting from the rest of the card. Text is embossed, name and position is in bold, of course, with the name written in larger font, tying the card together. At first I was conflicted about the serif-situation: I stated early that serifs are the source of class, but there was something about his lettering that seemed to defy that. Now I take a closer look and see that he actually does use serifs, but they’re so discreet that you almost can’t make them out. The resulting effect is phenomenal though: it still looks authoritative, even without the established, lofty vibe of fonts with more classical serifs. If there were one criticism I had to offer, I would say the company name could be written in bolder font with larger serifs, but I fear the card is already balancing on a perfect combination of simplicity and compositional density, and this would overcomplicate it.