Anon, I see that you are a man of culture, you gentlesir! slow clap I regret that I have but one upboat to give, but I see you did the sex, so achievement unlocked! To be fair, while your username is relevant, I did nazi that coming. I came here to say this but boy, that escalated quickly so to the top with you! Lost it at ‘This is why we can’t have nice things’ and then my faith in humanity was restored, my mind blown, and manly tears were shed. Well said. As a ‘murican, I can confirm this gem has just won the internet and is doing it right. I know that feel, bro, and while that was a risky click, this post was a 5/7 with rice, would read again. I see what you did there and it feels good man. My coworkers are staring at me because this post made me shoot coffee out of my nose. I laughed way harder than I should have at your list that seems legit and totally nailed it. You – I like you. and seeing how you are a redditor for 4 years, this checks out, so I’ll allow it. I regret that I only have one upvote to give for this cool story, bro. At first I was like, but then Pepperidge Farm remembers. I can’t fap to this. No true scotsman could see that this relevant XKCD was bad, and you should feel bad. You must be new to reddit, so I’ll see your cakeday and raise you a karma train. One does not simply rustle my jimmies, not even once. This stahp gave me cancer for science, so that’s enough internet for me today; I’ll just nopity nope on out of here. Circlejerk must be leaking. This will get buried but brace yourselves, some men want to watch the world burn right in the feels. When you see it, they’ll KILL IT WITH FIRE! Lawyer up, delete facebook, hit the gym, and SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY. whoosh. This is my [f]irst post, be gentle. Wife her in the butt, OP! I’m a simple man; I see boobies, I click the up vote button. I have the weirdest boner right now. sigh unzips that was not my proudest fap…

EDIT 2: Good morning Reddit! Did not expect this thread to blow up (ʘ言ʘ╬)

EDIT 3: THANKS FOR THE GOLD KIND STRANGER!!

EDIT 4: RIP my inbox lol!