Waluigi carries with him a tragic backstory… During the great war of the battle of the Mushroom Kingdom, Waluigi was born. His face was distorted and his body appeared frail. He was considered worthless to the Mushroom Kingdom as he was neither useful nor handsome. As a baby, Waluigi was abandoned by his parents and thrown into a local toxic waste dumpster. Luckily, Waluigi was saved by a gang of walking Piranha Plants. The gang, called the Piranha Plant Posse, raised Waluigi in the deep, dark forest. He learned various survival skills from the Plants including: hunting for food, making a fire, and how to lurk within the shadows. Over time, Waluigi became stronger and eventually grew into an awkward looking man. As the young man matured he eventually realized that he was not like the Piranha Plants. Poor Waluigi doubted his self-worth, he wondered if he would ever become a valuable member of society. Waluigi’s emotions were scattered, his thoughts littered with doubt. He ran away from the forest and dwelt in a cave where his diet consisted strictly of poison mushrooms. Waluigi was depressed with his life. He began to search for something that could ease his pain. Poor Waluigi began to smoke weed, and cut himself as he was discontented with himself. Eventually, he pondered hanging himself, until one day a mysterious man reached out to him. The mysterious man claimed he could turn Waluigi’s life around, but it would be at a cost. Waluigi was desperate for answers and guidance in his life. He nodded his head and looked confidently into the mysterious man’s eye. Waluigi opened his mouth and screeched, “Wah!” in agreement. For the next several years Waluigi became more devious, he became a slave owner and worked his slaves to death, crafting his masterpiece, Wallywood. Wallywood, was a magnificent city with a theme park at its center. The theme park attracted guests from all over the Kingdoms. Wallywood become a tourist destination for many, but it was ultimately an inspiration for the masses. Because of the war, both Goomba’s and Koopas alike began to travel to Wallywood. The travelers came to Wallywood to create a new life for themselves apart from the horrid war within the Mushroom Kingdom. All was looking good for Waluigi and his dream of Wallywood. Everything was seen as perfect in Waluigi’s eyes except for one thing. The mysterious man was actually Wallywood’s governor and Waluigi had developed a grudge against the governor. One night, while children were sleeping in their warm beds, murder occurred. The streets sounded with the screeches of Waluigi saying, “Wah!” and the crack of his whip. Waluigi, blinded by his lust for power, lost his sanity. He started a mass murder within Wallywood that started with the mysterious man. The mysterious man was dead, Waluigi was set for success. Yet, he believed he could gain more control and power if he instilled fear into Wallywood’s citizens. Waluigi hired a militia of Shy Guys to round up innocent citizens. Then, one by one, Waluigi slayed hundreds of Wallywood’s citizens by the crack of his whip. Wallywood would never be the same. That night, an airship came rushing into Wallywood. It floated over the city in search of the cause of chaos. Eventually the airship and its crew of Toads spotted Waluigi carrying out his devilish acts. The Toads shined a large, brilliant light upon Waluigi. A high pitch sound came from a megaphone on the airship, “Sir, put the weapon down!” Waluigi was too determined however, he refused to submit to the authority of the Mushroom Kingdom. Captain Toad looked Waluigi straight in the eyes from his airship. Captain Toad held up the megaphone again, “Put an end to all this madness or we will!” Walugi met Captain Toad’s stare with disgust, he responded with an angry, “WAAAAAAH!” At that moment, Captain Toad knew what he had to do. He ordered one of his crewman to load a rifle and bring it to him. Captain Toad held up the megaphone on last time and said to Waluigi, “LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! I AM THE CAPTAIN NOW!” Captain Toad then grabbed the rifle from the crewman, steadied his aim at Waluigi’s head and pulled the trigger. The sudden **BANG** crackled throughout the now-ravaged world of Wallywood. Silence fell upon the land for several moments, with nothing but the incessant hum of the airship hovering over Waluigi’s body. He laid flat upon the ground, whip beside him, and face bloodied. The citizens of Wallywood took this opportunity to throw him off the cliff of Wallywood into the tropical jungle 1700 feet below. His lifeless body tumbled down for 3 minutes and 42 seconds until falling into a thorn bush. The prickly thorns tore his mustache into a sharp point, with a steep curve upwards, as if creeping along his jawbone. Days passed before he gained consciousness. By a miraculous feat, Waluigi had survived the gunshot by the skin of his teeth. Well, in his case, his nose. The unusually durable cartilage in his nose stopped the impact of the bullet. However, his nose was completely destroyed in the collision. During the time he laid passed out, skin grew around the bullet, eventually enveloping it whole. He now had a new, even bigger nose with a fresh layer of pink-toned skin. This bullet made his nose even more durable, and supplied him with an eternal whiff of charred gunpowder. Enraged, he grabbed his whip to lash at everything in sight, but his whip was gone. Then, noticing the hundreds of cuts covering his body, an idea occurred to him. With a newfound hatred inside of him, he sought out to make an even deadlier whip to take revenge amongst Captain Toad and the scumbags of Wallywood. He tied together vines and tree bark to make a durable whip, then dragged it through every thorn bush he could find in the jungle. His end product was a magnificent thorn-coated whip. With a devilish grin upon his face, he thought about lashing and cutting his victims, he let out through a shrill scream: “WAHHHH!” in excitement. He spent a week in the jungle recovering from his injuries, and patching up his face, which was even more hideous than before. He knew he would need reinforcements to bring Wallywood to ashes, and he knew just where to go. He trekked back to the cave which was once his home. Inside, deep within the cave, was a warp pipe he had discovered when he lived there once before. With a quick “SHLOOP” he slunk down the pipe and plopped into a world of utter darkness. It was the Mushroom Kingdom Black Market. Feeling his way along the walls he stumbled upon the central market. Following the dimly lit paths he happened upon a stand offering weapons. Waluigi requested two sub machine guns with extra clips, and a small army of Koopa Thugs. The merchant looked him up and down with his monocle. Satisfied with the evil emanating from his aura, the man brought him a contract to sign. Since Waluigi had no cash to sign he had to give the merchant his soul in exchange, Waluigi had nothing left to lose so he sacrificed it without hesitation. At the crack of dawn he exited the cave, strapped with machine guns and munching on his favorite poison mushrooms. Following behind him were 12 Koopa Thugs equipped with thorny whips. They spent the day trekking across Mushroom Kingdom, reaching the entrance of Wallywood at sunset. Shivering with delight, Waluigi walked up to the entrance and screamed: “WAHHHHHH!” The Koopa Thugs yelled in agreement and charged through the entrance in unison. Terror and death spread throughout the town like wildfire and Koopa Thugs whipped citizens to death and dragged their bodies into the street. Waluigi walked through the streets blasting rounds of bullets through people’s homes as he munched on his mushrooms. He reached the top of his town where the sign “Wallywood” stood. He slowly placed a cigar in his mouth, lit it at the end, took one deep breath, and puffed out the smoke as he flung the lighter onto the sign. He looked down upon the town, the citizens scampering around like ants with no home. He laughed in delight until something caught his eye. In the distance a battalion of airships came flying towards him. Infuriated, he hid behind the burning sign to ambush them. Over the course of 14 minutes, the airships launched 170 bullet bills into Wallywood, completely incinerating all life, whether it be innocent or evil.