I clean dicks for my job. There was a 30 year old penis the other day I swear he never touched it or something because what came out of it was a thick clay like substance that my assistant claimed smelled like putrid hot garbage, like a dozen maggoty goat cheese wheels in the sun.

It took forever trying to scrape all of it out of there. Couldn’t even pull the damned foreskin down at first it was stuck, glued fast to the cheese clay crust in there. The gunk broke several examination swabs (giant q-tips) so I gave up and used the tongue depressers like a spade to shovel it out