I may not be a Butterfinger expert, but I am a fatboy who eats a lot of chocolate. Often Snickers or Caramello, though lately M&Ms has been suckering me in with their buy-one-get-one campaign on their share sizes with all the new flavors. And everybody knows that distinctive Butterfinger taste, right? Those flakes breaking off and crumbling all over you, turning your T-shirt into a Bill Dauterive fashion statement, with their razor-sharp edges getting stuck in your gums to deliver crispety, crunchety, diabetesy goodness straight into your bloodstream. Well, apparently Ferrero SpA has bought the brand from Nestlé, and they fucking ruined it. It tastes like someone ate nothing but off-brand peanut butter for a week, squeezed out a turd, folded and forged it into layers like a samurai sword, dried it out on the sidewalk of a ghetto, and then spray painted chocolate-colored communism all over it. Screw you, Fuckerrero SpA. I didn’t speak up when they came for my original Cadbury Eggs. I didn’t speak up when Hershey bars became wax bricks. But now I’m laying my middle finger on your Butterfinger, you chocolate cheapening chuds.