At the beginning, when the long ramen noodle known as time was only just being brought to a boil, the only thing in the universe (which is officially known as the Reality Bowl) was the flying spaghetti monster.

One day, it (the FSM is non-gender-conforming-asexual-apache-adjacent-helicopter-esque, thank you very much) decided it was lonely, so it made some other Italian-food themed life forms to inhabit the Reality Bowl. It created a planet, which we know as earth.

Now, contrary to what the pastaphobic NASA would have you believe, the ‘earth’ (which is really called the Deep Dish of Life) is not a stale, moldy meatball. No, no, the earth is a pizza, *duh*. We’re all toppings, and any mountians or hills are simply bubbles in the cheese. For goodness sake, they even admit there’s crust. They’re lying to you, sheeple! Ugh.

Anyways, after the DDOL was made, the FSM realized it was so dark, it couldn’t see its glorious creation! 🙁

So, it decided to buy a XXXXXXXXL food lamp from a Chinese sweatshop on Amazon! But, since it was Chinese and therefore low-quality, it could only light half the pizza at once. So, the FSM put the pizza on a rotating stand so it would all get light at some point. (To answer your question, yes. China is not on ‘Earth’, it is actually a alternate dimension responsible for helping manufacture most of reality. Stop being xenophobic, dickheads.)

After the lighting issue was (somewhat) solved, the FSM was still lonely, and also slightly horny, so it decided to make a bunch of really tiny weird creatures shaped like deformed Cheetos. That’s us! Then, it made them super emotional and horny because it thought it would be funny. And it was! But it also caused wars n stuff. 🙁

After it was done with us, it decided to make a bunch of other pizzas. But those were all only one type, instead of a mixed-type like ours. Plus, the only pizzas we could reach are thin crust! So we can’t live there.