I took a penis enlargement pill once. It was right after my day at the nude beach. Seeing old ass wrinkled men with giant dongs was rather emasculating, especially since my ex couldn’t take her eyes off them.

So I bought some online. It said it could take upto six weeks to work so I waited. And sure enough slowly and surely it grew by two inches! The girth increased too!

I was elated! My sex life immediately improved and i got new confidence and vigor and that bled into every part of my life making everything that much better!

But what those pills never advertised were the side affects. IT NEVER STOPPED GROWING! And what’s more with each passing day the rate of growth accelerated!

After a month, it was so big my ex stopped sleeping with me claiming it was so big now it was actually painful! After two months I couldn’t wear shorts anymore because if I wasn’t careful the tip would pop out from under them. By month three, I started to wear ankle length loin cloths cause I couldn’t fit into pants anymore. By this time I also started to black out everytime I got an erection since so much blood flowed into it my brain was momentarily starved of oxygen.

By month six it was as long as my leg and about half as thick. I stopped getting erections altogether at this point. It was just impossible and the muscles of my groin could no longer support the weight of my phallus. A year in and it was trailing behind me like a tail. I started to tie it around my waist like a belt. Urinating was chore! It was six feet long and half a foot thick. I was floored! I was to embarrassed to see a doctor so I isolated at home.

Fast forward 5 years. It had grown over 10 km in length and as thick as an adult male African elephant. By this point the world noticed. Doctors offered to amputate but my fragile male ego wouldn’t allow it. Life as I knew it was over. By year 25 I needed the space of a small town all to myself and it coiled around until it formed a decent sized pulsating penis pyramid.

This is where the first signs of trouble came in. One layer slipped off one night and crushed a car full of frat boys who had come too close to marvel at my member. Three people died. One of them was from another country so it caused a diplomatic row and threatened to escalate. There were protests to have it cut off but the courts deemed it against my constitutional rights to have a forceful medical procedure. And so for the next decade, I lived like this till it soon became the size of a mountain and became the nesting ground for an endangered species of foul mouthed parrots.

It’s been 25 years now. It has grown so big it is starting to compress the Earth’s crust. NASA scientists predict that in about 15 more years it will grow big enough to heat up the centre of the mass of coiled dick and very soon all that heat and pressure will eventually cause fusion to happen at its core.

At this point earth will get consumed in fire as my mass of manhood becomes a bright burning star. They say in about 100 years it will surpass the sun itself, and very soon after that collapse into a black hole taking the earth, the sun and the entire solar system with it.

All of this because I was jealous of the wrinkled appendages hanging from the bodies of old men.

Kids, do not take those penis enlargement pills. They might just end the world.