One time I was in a band, and we wrote a four chord spoof of Genesis. We called that track ‘Fuckboxing.’ We were sipping tea, while the goat embryo incubated in the basement. Suddenly there was a noise, and a whirlwind of adornment came tumbling down upon the stage. It was two tomboys with Beatboxing boots and headbands, my album cover proudly emblazoned with the legend: ‘I am Michael Bombado, Dr. Fuckboxer, M.D.’ Then they swallowed all twelve of the hard drives I kept in the fridge. One was having trouble controlling his bladder, whereas the other was trying to keep his food down. And immediately they embraced one another, and immediately I swallowed a croissant. And immediately they grabbed onto one another and immediately they broke one another’s chandelier. And immediately they started kissing and everywhere water drenched the boulevard. And I swallowed a croissant. And before long they were clucking and honking around like geese. And they were pulling one another every which way. And they were slapping each other ass cheeks. That’s when I remembered a quote by Buzzfeed’s Editor that said: ‘Everything is nefarious and scary when you’re a messiah.’ But by changing the sampling rate to 24.000/192.000, I immediately realized that by fuckboxing, we were actually foresquishing our frappuccino. And immediately I never fuckboxed again.