Alright so…

8 years ago I was just a young 18 year old from San Diego only a couple months out of high school. Me and 3 friends decided to go to Nocturnal Wonderland, an electronic music festival in San Bernardino. We also decided to stay with one of my group member’s friend from back home in Florida and had randomly moved to LA and become a male model. (Wasn’t really any closer to SB than our own homes, but fuck it, our parents wouldve been too nosy between nights of the festival)

So, we pack up early and drive out to LA and to the hotel said model was currently living out of. Once we get there we all promptly eat some marijuana infused chocolate bars and start drinking. Eventually, model-boi decides he wants to get another tattoo and 1 of my group mates goes with him while 3 of us chill with a couple of the other people staying in the room and eventually the 3 of us take a nap.

We are eventually awoken by one of the other residents of the room saying “ANDY DICK IS COMING!” in an excited tone. Not really caring, we went back to sleep. Until Andy Dick showed up that is…

An indeterminate amount of time later, me and my girlfriend are awoken by Andy Dick crouching very close next to us and saying things like “AWWWWWW HOW CUUUUUUUTE!” After the 2 of us fully awaken he moves onto our friend, a guy with very long red hair who is still asleep, and starts playing with his hair while saying “LOOK AT THE PRETTY GIRL!” which awakens my friend who is high on xanax so he’s slow, groggy, and confused.

Over the course of the next couple hours Andy Dick says a bunch of stupid shit, drinks tons of rolling rock out of this case he had brought in with him, and, at one point, some half naked girl storms into the hotel room saying she ran out of cocaine which prompts Andy to ask if she can get more. She says yes and runs out of the room never to be seen again.

At some point the other inhabitants of the hotel room convince Andy to take some acid and he does. After that, he got a LOT more crazy invasive and sexual. He offered my friend $1000 to show him his dick, which my friend declined. And after not too much longer of Andy being aggressively sexual, my friend tells him to back the fuck up or he’s going to beat the shit out of him. Andy leaves the room.

About 30 minutes later, me and my girlfriend decide we’re hungry and leave the room to walk to a subway just down the street as it is now like 10PM and we have barely eaten all day. After exiting the elevator that let us out on the side of the building, we see Andy sitting on the ground with a potted cactus in his hand. Andy is *petting* the cactus while sobbing “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

We continued past him and never saw him again.