god im too fucking smart. i need consant fucking stimulation. i need to write poems constantly, i think about relativity and its implications while eating cereal when im talking to human beings im thinking about them being bio social psychological creatures. i code when i get the chance. i cant talk to normal fucking people about anything bc all they talk about is dumb fucking bullshit. i was brainwashed to go into medicine and now i hate it and am about to drop the course and pivot to programming. i am so acutely aware of peoples intentions all the time it fucking drives me mad. im hyperaware of the manipulaiton that goes on around me, i cant fuck anything cus it feels like beasteality a lot of the time just because i havent found a smart girl. i dated one girl one time for 4 years and she ended up fucking another guy and im so terrified im never gonna find a smart chick again who understands me at least a little bit. i write books that i never finish bc i lost motivation and im so hyper aware of my own mortality it gucking kills me. fuck fuck fuck fuck. somebody save me please.