This is my review of the Juicero™. The Juicero™ is a brilliant product which makes the most amazing juice in the world. It really is worth the 400 dollars, and I’ll tell you why:

1. Efficiency. The Juicero™ is way better at pouring juice than any human. The Juicero™ uses various very impressive technologies which are also used by NASA, such as the press compartment. The Juicero™ will transform one package of fresh juice into an amazing glass of juice within 6 minutes, while an average human does that in 20 minutes. Pouring juice by yourself out of the package? Hah! The Juicero™ is obviously better at this job. If you’re an aspiring juice pourer, give up already. This marvelous machine will do 1000 times better than the most talented juice pouring person out there. This only is reason enough to purchase this incredible machine. Trust me, it’s truly astounding.

2. The design. The stunning Juicero™ is the iPhone of the juice machines. The design is extremely sexy. Ooh yeah, look at those curves. Hmmm, delicious. The Juicero™ is so sexy you just want to fuck it. Ooh that’s great. The design is very aerodynamic so that you can easily mount it on the top of your car without losing speed. Another very interesting and extremely cool design choice is the door which is completely flat. Indeed, IT’S FLAT. NO TEXTURE AT ALL. that’s completely breathtaking. The guys behind the Juicero truly are pioneers in the design world. They should be given their own statues in the center of every big city on earth. Amazing.

3. It’s exceptionally handy and easy to use. Mate, I’m not exaggerating at all when I say the Juicero™ is the most user friendly machine I have ever used in my entire life. And this is all because of the main gimmick of the Juicero™: It must be connected to the internet. Listen to me guys: This is the future. A future where every single machine is connected to the internet. Isn’t that totally futuristic and amazing? Damn right it is. Now I wish there was a pencil sharpener which requires wifi. Heck, I’ll give my life savings to the guy who makes this unbelievable dream reality. I want to see that. Anyway, the process on the Juicero is incredibly easy: First, you buy the specific packages you need for the Juicero™ off of the internet. They are only 20 bucks each, and with one package you can fill exactly one glass! That’s some smart thinking. Then, you wait an eternity until the packages arrive. After that’s over, scan the QR code on the package to confirm the package is indeed from the Juicero™ brand. Other brands won’t work at all. Handy! Then you insert the package into the incredible Juicero™, close the door and wait six minutes until your glass is full of the most amazing juice the world has ever known. Wow!

4. The Juicero™ saved my father’s life. Yep, that’s correct. You know how? My father recently bought a juice machine, NOT a Juicero™, and one day he wanted a fresh, delicious glass of amazing incredible juice. Of course anything that’s NOT a Juicero™ makes horrible juice. The juice from those machines is fucking awful. Man, do I wish they never existed. So my father inserted a pre made juice package into the machine but the machine exploded immediately after he pressed start. Luckily for him, I just walked through the front door, carrying a brand new Juicero™ ready for action. As soon as the explosion went off the Juicero flew out of my hands and pushed the juice machine away, straight through the window. My father was perplexed, and said ‘’Wow, son. Wh-what happened there? H-h-how-’’ I interrupted him while shaking my head slightly disappointed. ‘’Oh, father,’’ I said, ‘’didn’t you know all juice machines are evil, except for the amazing Juicero™?’’ My father remained silent for a few seconds, still trying to understand what just happened. ‘’Here,’’ I said. ‘’I’ll give you this Juicero™. Trust me, it is extremely cool and handy.’’ My father started crying and hugged me. ‘’Thank you,’’ he whispered into my ear.

And that was my review of the pinnacle of human achievements called the Juicero™. I’d give it a total score of 11/10. I’d recommend you buy this as soon as possible, you’ll never regret spending 400 bucks on this. It truly is the coolest machine in the known universe. (And I say ‘known’ because maybe there are aliens/alternative universes out there with an even cooler juice machine.) And now, the pros and cons:

Pros:
-It makes juice
-It is the future
-Holy shit

Cons:
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.