[Source: The Cult of Integral](https://github.com/Catterall/the-cult-of-integral)

I’ve just realized that you’re a complete idiot – an absolute ignoramus of the highest calibre! You are one whereupon if intelligence itself walked into a bar and noticed you, they would scoff, cockily asking for a drink before leaving, not daring to stay inside the building with you out of embarrassment. Some would describe you not only as an idiot but crazy: a birdbrained, inane, dumb dafty… in fact, no! I would describe you as something much worse. I would describe you as pathetic: the most moronic, foolish, dull, senseless, insane, fatuous, squirrelly, silly, harebrained, thick-witted, asinine, unintelligent, batty, imbecilic imbecile of the lands! Your name is the name of the thick, fool of fools! Oh, how we should look upon your inconsistent nature, us mighty, and despair – for we could never hope to top your low-IQ decisions. You have officially broken the record for the number of times someone has made me sigh, so congratulations! I should see fit for you to receive a gold medal, but you’d probably break your teeth trying to open it to see if there’s chocolate inside. Oh my, oh my, oh how I pity you and your lack of intellect, I am truly woesome! You are the type of man to leave a ruler under their pillow to measure the length of time in which they have slept. You are the type of person to visit the doctor for their teeth and to visit the dentist for their illness. Oh, how you truly, truly, are the most degenerate, nonsensical, unimaginative dimwitted sod on the planet. I just cannot believe you exist. In fact, I believe you have proven Darwin right, as you are fundamental evidence that, not only has the missing link been found, but that the process of evolution is not currently finished. Goodbye, do not ever contact me again, scum – I don’t want to contract whatever neurodegenerative disease you seem to have caught from whatever avenues of bizarre venture you’ve chosen throughout your unimpressive life.

Oh, and one last thing: do not attempt to go against me. You see, whilst you are the most monkey-like human I have ever laid my eyes upon, I, on the other hand, am the most brainy, agile, astute, bold, bright, brilliant man on the planet! I am the top scientist in my class: a straight-A student. For every question, I put my hand up. For every question, I receive applause from my teacher for my answer, which is always right. Why? Well, that would be the only good question you’ve asked in your life if that was your thoughts (that’s if you have any thoughts, at all). You see, I’ve always been a genius, ever since birth. I’m a child prodigy, my inept “friend”. Ever since birth, I’ve been on the ball, canny and crafty, sharp and shrewd, impertinent and ingenious, acute and adept, keen and knowing – oh how I could go on! I’ve always been the best in every class I’ve been, ever since nursery, which I only spent two days in since I was released for being too eggheaded for the little worms to handle, not able to make friends with such animals.

Ah ah! I can already picture your waste-of-space of a brain laughing now, but don’t laugh, I have friends now… lots and lots of friends. In fact, should I remind you, hm? Should I remind you how I am friends with your mother? Surely you haven’t forgotten that fact? Does it annoy you, hm? Does it truly irritate you that I have had sexual intercourse with your mother, whereas you are still a smelly virgin, hm? That’s right, clouded judgement won’t save you now, the gloves are off! I had sex with your mother and there’s nothing you can do about it! My lengthy, girthy, veiny, magnificent, succulent penis of bliss rammed her tight vagina hard and there’s nothing you can do about it. Oh yes, it repeatedly went in, making the wonderful of sloppy sounds. The way your slut of a mother moaned my name, wishing for more – no, begging for more! Oh, it annoys you, doesn’t it? You’ll never have that – I’d be surprised if you could even locate the genitals of any human, other than yours. By the way, I must add, and I apologise for the cruelty here but I think it’s necessary to say: your genitals are quite bland, aren’t they? No no no, you won’t be giving any pleasure with them, and you certainly won’t receive any pleasure in your miserable life.

Goodbye now, dunce!