I actually hate high school

So I (15M) was in gym class today, and we were running the pacer. I was talking with my friends before we ran and they said that they were planning on getting at least 125 or they would kill themselves or something. I decided I agreed with them and said I would run 125 laps as well. When we started running I suddenly remembered I was a 345 lbs, 5’3, taller horizontal than I am vertical, sad excuse for a child, so I could only walk half a lap before I collapsed to the ground. I was so embarrassed that I waddled out of the gym so fast they thought I just disappeared into thin air.
While in the hallway I saw the principal coming my direction.
“If it isn’t the fucking chode”, he said “you got a hallpass motherfucker?”
“N-n-no sir,” I stuttered.
“You eat it or something bitch?” he scoffed. “Scratch that, I don’t give a shit. Now I’m dragging your dumbass to my office, got that Darth Diabetes the Wide?”
I got so scared that I realized I had to start without the fart, so I naruto ran past the principal and to the bathroom across the school. I got to a stall and started my hour long shitting process. While I was shitting, 3 seniors entered the bathroom and started harassing me.
“It smells good in here” one of them said. “I think I’m gonna eat whatever’s left in that stall when the bitch in it is done shittin”
I was so sick of being stepped all over at this point, so I called out to the bully “not if I flush, asshole”.
“What did you say bitch?” He called. “Open that fuckers door up boys.” He told his friends.
As the Seniors started to bang on the stall door, I read a piece of graffiti, that said, “god damn I got to shit”. This gave me the motivation I needed and I did the biggest shit in human history. The effort of which burned all my fat, built up my muscles and stretched me out to be 6’2.
When the kids opened the door I slayed them with a shit sword and gave their leader a shit wedgie. I then went back to the gym and ran 500 laps.
I am now Bruce Willis.

Moral of the story: Hidden power lay within shit.