Holy.
Fucking.
Shit.
It’s only been less than two hours and I already want to internally bludgeon myself with a delicious plate of steak directly into my stomach. Oh I forgot, I’m kosher. This whole Passover thing is making delirious, me. Oh I forgot, it’s Yom Kippur. Anyway it’s been an hour or so now and I’m really hungry. All I had for dinner was a plate of pasta with some potato thing that was probably made out of the rubber of a Mr Potato Head. Before Rosh Hashanah started I was playing some Xbox, just chilling downstairs in a monotonous manner, when all of a sudden a certain somebodies mother came downstairs to yell at me that I needed to “Eat, eat, EAT GOYIM!” What is this, Auschwitz? I was so furious I led a protest against both my parents and eating, via the method of kneeling with my Xbox controller in my hand, screaming, “Down with force feeding the unneuterable children in a repressed totalitarian society governed by the populous!” Needless to say, old Mom and Pop were not too pleased about my sudden outburst of “stupidity”. I’m just promoting change, revolution even! Who’s idiot THE now, mom? Man am i delirious. My mom turned off the Xbox and told me to eat. So I went upstairs and reluctantly ate. That was a half hour ago. Now, as I type this diary on the final day of my life, I realize I have some regrets. It’s time to get them out there. The pain that courses through my hand as I write with pen and quill is unfathomable. Wait, pen and quill have I? Tis myself a fool, for thouself typest on modern technology! It hurts to say, but it has to be said by someone, especially on this very holy Hanukkah night. I forgot to use the menorah. I’m sorry God, will you forgive me?
I just blacked out. I’ve only been fasting for five minutes, and this is certainly the longest five minutes of my life. This cruel world is uh.
Uhhh..
Very cruel. Gonna go black out again, be right back.