If you want a job this summer, a paid internship with great benefits. Come down to my house and help me watch the pope. It’s very rewarding, he almost never moves and there’s a bunch of different colors the pope sometimes flashes.

If it goes a bright, blinding white that means it’s time to say the prayers.

If it turns blue, that means he’s sad. Consider saying a prayer.

If it goes red, you’re basically fucked.