In the afterlife, my greatest concern would be discovering the truth of Olive Garden’s infinite breadsticks. When my spirit transcends the 3 dimensional plane, I will see it. Fields of breadsticks where Olive Garden executives use transdimensional travel to reap from the garden of God’s land.

There, I will have time to map the astronomical significance of the unlimited breadsticks. I shall wash myself in baths of water and yeast. I shall brush my teeth with garlic and salt. I shall become one with the dough and immerse myself therein.

I will understand the purpose of it all. Why time travel? Why breadsticks? Why the infinite complexity of it all? Why not just make them in a factory where they could feel unlimited even if they’re not, in truth, unlimited?

Questions that shall be answered later, comrades.