Ok, so basically I get a lot of wet dreams because I don’t masturbate often (no I’m not christian or someone socially active I just don’t have the time and yes I did complete NNN) which sounds good because everyone wants them right? Well I don’t because when you have a wet dream you ejaculate, obviously, so now there’s sperm in your underwear and you’ll have to clean up on the next day but guess fucking what.. that isn’t even the worst part because if this sperm isn’t cleaned quickly it freezes or something, basically it becomes stone hard and sticks to your baguette and your underwear so now you and your clothes are fucking conjoined twins, that doesn’t sound so bad, right? Well guess again because now that you have a baby-stone on your bop-stick that’s sticking to something if you try to seperate them it fucking hurts like a bitch, I wouldn’t say childbirth but it’s the worst pain I’ve ever experienced.

So this is where my story starts:So I’m in bed and looking at AskReddit threads and someone mentions rule34 and I start to wonder… ”Големите кучета от между-звезни войни броят ли се?” Now unless you are a comrade you probably didn’t understand a thing so let me translate: ”Do the AT-ATs from Star Wars count”, now you know where this is going… yes, I googled ”AT-AT rule34” and it wasn’t anything too scary, wasn’t even NSFW but it was in my brain now… and when I think about something remotely sexual before going to bed I get a wet dream…..So I pass out after like 20 minutes and wake up at like 4 pm, angry at myself for waking up so late I get up and go to the bathroom to have a piss… normal right? Well once I pull my pants down and since there’s a baby-stone keeping them and my rifle together it fucking skins it (not enough to require medical attention but enough to hurt like a fucking bitch).So what do you do when you feel like your dick has been pulled off of your body? You yell, and I did, I reee’d as hard as I could and pulled my pants up because I have the foresight of that druggie from fallout 4.So I’m sitting there half-crying half-laughing and staring at the bathroom wall when my father busts in”What happened?!” he goesAnd the genius I am tells him that ”I SAW A FUCKING SNAKE IN THE TOILET BOWL!!”So my father not knowing whether to call the exterminators or a plumber calls both and basically we waste their time (cause the only snake that was in that bathroom was skinned by it’s spit) and get a 200$ bill

So at the end of the day I end up with a skinned sledgehammer and a 200$ bill…