I start every morning by checking my wood. If it’s still there, I give it a snack & admire it’s pure awesomeness.

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Then, I give each of my manly bewbs a firm slap to establish dominance.

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After that, I road house my cat into submission.

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Finally, it’s off to work I go.

Once at work, I forego the traditional tools, opting to use my ultra dominant wood to hammer in every nail, dig every hole, throw every bag of concrete, & carry every board.

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To get back home, I cannot trust a mere car to carry this much man. So I use my wood to propel myself through the skies, showering beta males & m’ladies with my pure, unfiltered, alpha essence.

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Once back home, my wood can no longer restrain it’s alpha nature. In a violent rage, it puts the lotion on the skin.

#alpha