I like monkeys. A store was selling each for five cents. I found it strange as they are usually much more expensive. But given horses don’t look at their teeth so I bought 200. I like monkeys. I brought my 200 monkeys home. I have a spacious car. I let one of them drive. His name is Sigmund. He’s an asshole. In fact, none of them were very smart. They kept punching each other in the genitals. I laugh a lot. One of them punched me in the genitals. I stopped laughing. I gathered everyone in my room. They haven’t adapted very well to their new home. They kept screaming, throwing themselves off the couch really hard and hitting the wall. It was funny at first but stopped being after 3 hours. 2 hours later I found out why they were all so cheap: they died suddenly. Without any reason. They just drop dead to the ground. Kind of like those goldfish you buy and they die in 5 hours. Damn cheap monkeys. I did not know what to do. I had 200 dead monkeys in my room, on my bed, on my dresser, on my bookshelf. It felt like I had bought 200 dead monkey rugs. I tried flushing one. Did not work. He got stuck. Now I had one dead, wet monkey and 199 dead, dry monkeys. I tried to pretend they were stuffed animals. It worked for a while, but then they started to decompose and it smelled awful. I tried to pee but there was a dead monkey in the toilet. I didn’t want to call the plumber. I was ashamed. I tried to freeze them so they don’t decompose so fast. Unfortunately, there was only room for two monkeys at a time so I had to change monkeys every 30 seconds. I also had to eat the food from the freezer so it wouldn’t go bad. I tried to burn them. Little did I know that my bed was flammable. I had to put out the fire. I had a dead monkey, wet in my toilet, two dead monkeys, frozen in my freezer, and 197 dead monkeys, burned in a pile on my bed. The smell didn’t get better. I was impatient since I couldn’t use the bathroom. I hit one of the monkeys. I felt better. I tried to throw it in the trash but the truck guy said the city doesn’t accept burnt primates. I said I had a wet one. He couldn’t take him either. I preferred not to ask about the frozen ones. I finally found a solution. I gave the monkeys as a Christmas present. My friends didn’t know what to say. They pretended they liked it, but I knew they were lying. Ungrateful. So I punched them in the genitals. I like monkeys.