It all started a year ago. I have this ant hill outside my house and I just… like looking at it. It soothes me. The ants make me feel aroused sometimes, skittering from place to place like they do. Well, stupid me, I decided to grab a handful of dirt from the ant hill and just, you know, stick it up the ol’ anal sock to see what would happen. What I didn’t expect was for the ants to freak the fuck out.

I should probably mention now that these were fire ants, and I’m color blind so at the time I didn’t know, but once those bites started, boy, they didn’t stop. I freaked out and started clawing at my anus, and in the process tore it or something. There was so much blood and ants everywhere. I ran inside before the neighbors saw me. I was making quite a ruckus so I knew they’d come out to see what all the screaming was about soon enough.

My wife freaked out when I came inside with my pants down around my knees and fire ants pouring from my dirty, bleeding, torn anal cavity. Needless to say, she drove me to the hospital.

TLDR: tried to bottom for an ant hill.