>Be burger
>roll off of my double-kingsize bed, slip on my crocs
>bathe in my xtrasize jumbo shower™
>drop my bigmac on the shower, cry
>get down for breakfast on my stairlevator™
>mom made bacon and pancakes, tip mom
>sing the national anthem before eating
>pour half a gallon of high fructose syrup on cardboard tasting pancakes (no maple syrup, ‘cause fuck Canada).
>add 1 ounce of “I can’t believe it’s not butter” because never learned a reasonable standard international unit, so must use ounces like a retarded kid making up measurements
>Go to school, tip teacher
>Sing national Anthem, get frisked for guns before going to class
>1 hours of pep rally for big game, tip cheerleaders
>2 hours of learning about creationism
> 1 hour of being molested by priests