I’d like to speak, if I could, about a highly curious phenomenon. I know that many of my friends have grown up with the beloved Spongebob Squarepants. If you’re a fan of the show like I am, you know that it is rife with inconsistencies. Layouts of homes, Krabby Patty™️ prices, and even the very population of Bikini Bottom seem to change with the tides. But one thing that remains constant is the bizarre ultra consumerism in this idyllic undersea metropolis. While watching the hilarious episode in which Mr Krabs starts operating a tabloid newspaper, my beautiful wife pointed out that at the end of the episode all the tabloid customers demand their money back and proceed to forcibly take it from Mr. Krabs because they were unhappy with his untrue news stories. She said that it must be tough to operate a business in Bikini Bottom, and I agreed. That is, until I gave it further thought. “Eugene Krabs routinely rakes in piles of money,” I thought. Now, much like the newspaper episode, people end up taking a lot of that money back, but in many episodes, no ill will befalls the crustaceous entrepreneur, or at least it would appear that the people don’t take back nearly as much as Mr Krabs is seen to have gained throughout the episode. Possibly the most bizarre part of this wacky cartoon, the intense consumerism appears to be completely gimmick based. It seems that whenever someone comes up with a new business idea, customers appear from nowhere and flood the scene. Promises of seeing Patrick fall down, an ice covered Krusty Krab, and a simple drive thru window all caused mass lines and and a packed restaurant. It isn’t just Mr Krabs, either. Spongebob famously garnered 46,853 customers for his Pretty Patties™️ (Even though the population of Bikini Bottom is only about 500), citizens all flocked to new “Kelp Shakes” restaurants, and Plankton caused crowds at the Chum Bucket, a failing restaurant normally only housing cobwebs and rats, simply by employing a new slogan: “Chum is fum.” To be successful in Bikini Bottom, it would appear that all one would have to do is continuously create new gimmicks and rake in millions of dollars these few hundred residents somehow possess. Amid all the zany happenings in our favorite underwater city, this phenomenon stands out as the most ridiculous. There are some strange happenings in this childhood television sanctuary, and someday I hope to get to Bikini Bottom of them all.