Hey all I just found this sub searching for someone to talk to about how I’m feeling since I don’t feel comfortable talking to any of my friends about it. My friends seem to think porn isn’t too bad.

Porn makes me feel awful for so many reasons. But chiefly because my body doesn’t look anything like the women in the images. My boyfriend knew this.

In October, I quite literally caught him with his pants down while he was browsing a subreddit. I had a complete breakdown. I was crying and he was crying. I thought things would change after that.

Fast forward to last night…my bf is out of town visiting his parents and I asked to use his computer so I could watch Disney+ from bed (Lizzie McGuire…). I don’t know what came over me, or why I don’t trust him but I started looking through his folders and I found one called “unrelated”. The folder was started waaaay before we started dating, but had recent images added within the last two months. I could tell from the date modified.

Well I flipped out and called him and confronted him and he told me to delete everything. There were over 3000 images and videos downloaded of naked women. And none of them look anything like me. I’m just so devastated. I also learned from this that he is into hentai, which just makes me another level of uncomfortable.

A lot of the images were downloaded on Halloween – when I was so excited to get trick or treaters for the first time since we moved into an actual neighborhood. I dressed up like a fairy and bought candy but he told me he had too much homework to help so I left him alone that night. There were also images downloaded at three separate time stamps on my own birthday. It’s just like a whole other level of slap to my face.

I feel awful and I don’t know how to be comfortable in my own skin. For the past 24 hours every time I look in the mirror I just breakdown and cry. He assured me that he loves me and finds me attractive and would never change anything about me. But I just can’t shake the feeling that it’s untrue or that this will happen again.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. Feel a bit better just getting it off of my chest.